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The New Invention

By Black Flame

I was sleeping like a sloth, dreaming of my greatest new invention, when I got a piercing electric shock in my brain. Smoke curling out of my ears, I rolled out of bed and hit the floor like a dead jellyfish. 
“I must remember to turn down my electron-hose-sleep-override system 11,000,” I thought.
I slid down the bannister, wind slapping against my face.
“Today is the day!” I cheered.
“Aaaaaaah!” I yelled as I slid off the bannister and crashed, face down, into the threadbare carpet. “I think I broke my nose,” I groaned.
Despite my injury, I leapt up, did a little jigI, staggered into the kitchen, and stumbled towards the Instantaneous Breakfast Machine, or IBM for short. I reached for the American Pancake switch, and missed. Luckily I slipped on yesterday’s breakfast (which the dog had refused to eat) and my head hit the switch instead. The machine whirred, clicked, whined, blew a sort of raspberry noise and Voila! The ingredients popped out, all ready for me to make my pancake breakfast. Several minutes later, the machine finished printing the recipe, and I made a start.
One and a half hours later, feeling plumped up after my slightly overcooked breakfast of something that looked like pancakes but tasted like omelet, I got dressed. In my excitement, I scrambled to get dressed in my bedroom. Realising I had gone into my wife’s wardrobe, I quickly undressed again and chose some of my own clothes: a torn, ragged lab coat, a checked shirt, board shorts and a peace sign medallion around my neck. I searched through my sock drawer until I finally found my sunglasses which I slammed onto my face.
Then I remembered my broken nose.
“Aaaaaaah!” I yelled for the second time that morning.
“Usual morning, sir?” said X7-4682B, my butler.
“Yes, it’s going just like normal,” I grouched.
In my race to get out of my house, I forgot to take the elevator and rushed down fifty-two stairs, tripped over five more stairs, and bounced down the remaining thirty-eight stairs. Luckily I came to a stop at the second-to-last step.
“Phew!” I said.
I stepped on the last step, only to realise there was another pile of dog’s breakfast sitting on it. I slipped and tumbled to the bottom of the stairs.
“I’ll get that dog!’ I screamed, violently hitting the wall. My fist bounced back and hit me in the nose, reminding me once again that it was broken.
“Aaaaaaah!’ I yelled.
The butler appeared again. “Just a reminder sir, you don’t actually have a dog,” he pointed out. As I raced across the garage I skidded as I reached for the keys to my hover craft, the keys were old, gold and rather battered looking.
Due to all of the excitement from my destructive morning everything seemed to be a haze.  I leaped into my hover craft  to only realise I was sitting on the rocket booster. Accidentally I activated the auto pilot, the hover craft took off and burst straight through the garage door leaving behind a cut out hover craft shape. Luckily I was able to regain control of the hover craft, I climbed into the front seat and headed to work.
I was only fifty meters away from the office when I ran out of gas and had to push my hover craft to the parking lot. I walked through the parking lot, with my butler X7-4682B staggering under the weight of my books, and made my way into the doctor's clinic where I took my place behind the desk at reception. My butler came up to the desk and could no longer hold the weight of my books, he stumbled over and sent the books flying into the air! Unfortunately a stray book bounced off my stomach, then off my head, and finally whacking me in the nose.
"Aaaaaaah!" I yelled, reminding me for the fourth time today about my broken nose.
All the effects of getting knocked on my broken nose brought out the after effects of the electron-hose-sleep-override system 11,000 which gave me another electric shock causing me to fall unconscious. When I came too I saw my boss peering over me with curious and concerned look on his face.
"You look a bit under the weather, why don't you take the rest of the day off," my boss said.
"All right." Was my dazed reply.
For the rest of my day I worked on my invention, grabbing a few components from work, and by that evening my invention was complete.
"Yahooooo!" I shouted as I walked through the door of my house.
The smell of meatballs wafted into my broken nostrils while X7-4682B hung up my jacket. I grabbed a delicious mound of food and settled myself into a comfy chair in front of the TV. When it came time to change the channel I knew that this was the opportunity to show off my new invention. I turned to my wife and said, "Watch this." I then switched the channel on the TV with my newly invented remote control.
"That's already been invented," she laughed, "You just never use it."
"D'oh!" I cried, as I threw the remote at the TV. It hit the news presenter in the forehead, bounced back, and hit me squarely on the nose.
"Aaaaaaah!" I screamed.

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What Readers Had To Say


Cheesy Mouse
14 Mar 10 01:02:14

I like the broken nose part and the main character is funny.



19 Nov 09 20:57:58

I like your story. It's really funny. I like the bit about the broken nose.